Life…….not asked for it, even been death once and came back, never asked for that too, somehow i am depressed, humans are not really to be proud about, nature is vanishing and earth is severe ill, we did that, but also nature itself, whats the purpose of it all.
When i wake up, i dont want to get out of bed, but i dont want to go to bed either.
Most of the time i feel ok, but not really good, since december last year i feel better, my fire came back, i live more from day-to-day, its a bless. I am fighter, i care for many things, issues, items, could not be another way and even dont want it too.So my life is heavy at times, but very ok.
I remember the first time i ever traveled something happens with me, i felt great, exited, so i am a nomad, a gypsy because whenever i travel the first thing i do is searching for a place to sleep, somewhere in the streets, under a bridge, behind a door in an empty building, anywhere, not that i need that, we have a camper and before always a sleeping place, so it is something 0ut of my last life.
I still feel the incredible feeling i had when we were asleep somewhere in Charleroi the south of Belgium, we found this place in deep dark nite, because no one would give us a hitch? more southwards, as we were on our way to Morocco, so we had to stay and sleep and try it again the next day.
We entered the empty building, walked through it and rolled out our sleeping bags, when we woke up we were next to an hole of about 4 to 4 meters and even more deep, there were more square holes in that floor and it seemed we were so lucky to have chosen the right spot, one meter to the west, north south or east and we would have fallen in the holes, it was an empty milkfactory…….but the feeling, that was wonderful, like u have been led by angels, god personally took care of us, thats how it felt, tremendous happy, i never felt that again, except for the 2 sons i gave birth.
So why feel so depressed most of the time, i cannot look away, i cannot ignore, i cannot live knowing we humans kill, torture, suppress others, animals, nature.
Its always been like that, the issue is, how is one able to live with this all, the knowing, why is one day positive and the other not, one thing i know for sure, i am glad, i am not one of those ppl who dont see it, who ignore, who look the other way…….
Soo maybe thats the turning point for me at this moment, its strange though and does not feel like a complete fulfillment, i dont have to be happy, but more content, thats all.
I know most is between ur ears, how u feel, look at things or go about, getting older is getting wiser, at least it is for me, that makes me more content, somehow maybe it will be possible, to be less down and more positif, dont u think too?
My english is not good, the words with? behind them are doubtfull, i hope u will find the meaning, so u understand it anyway.:)