See the map, places i have been:)

Click the link and see, maybe u like to have this experience too and want to share it:)

about 183 spots and places i have been…..


Back again, but not the same……

How irritating when ur social surroundings are cut off due to the fact that ur laptop has been stolen, all together it took me a month to get it back to nearly normal, if u consider my assurance payed out, i ordered a new laptop and it has been delivered exactly a month later then the day the oher one have been stolen.

The losses has been counted, i lost about 1230 pictures, 230 documents, 240 scanned drwawings and paintings, all the contacts of my Stam-email, most urls and favorited websites, it is a disaster, so i will make back ups every few months of all i do on this laptop, but somehow i need to get starting up again, i dont have the same fire i had before, so i also lost the drive……..

Strange what happens the first 2 days/nites. u cannot sleep and think of all the items on/in the computer u lost, pictures, documents, i had to change all my passwords for my websites and facebook, linkedin, care2, google, twitter.

Somehow u feel cut off, i already dont work at the moment as my boss tries to ditch me, i miss my colleges, the work and the ritme of life which belongs to having to go to work for 40 hours a week.

But slowly u start to see through all this, u first feel more lonely,  the same time u know u are not more lonely as before, all what i did was feeling social as i blogged, twittered and was on facebook, does this mean whatever it makes one fee is it real or isn’t it?

So the first day i was able to really get social again i felt uncomfortable and strange, i have seen the other side, i have been really without any social life for a month, since work is out of sight for now, no online-thingies, only my mobile phone on which i have no internet-options and i still dont want that and yes i have been phoning more maybe then ever, because one needs to have some contact, at least i do.

But i discovered lonelyness is more a feeling then a fact, i know if u have friends, a partner, and maybe children lonlyness is a different issue, but when u are like me, living alone, with my youngest son, who lives in his own part off the house, u are alone often, yet not lonely, being alone is somehow beareble if u are able to share ur life like i do with a boyfriend who lives in another part of the country and sometimes we are together, which is maybe strange,, but also ok, we are both 60 and we cannot be together as long as i work/wait what will happen with me and he has to be in his own city for his income too, we both have had a whole/big part of life before meeting eachother and i know we could easy live together and we will when time comes and all the working and income issues will be solved. But the main issue is, u share ur life because u are together even when not always really in the same place.

I had simmelar experience when once i was very ill, i even died for 3 minutes, the yourney to the light was tremendous impressif, i will never be the same (or be afraid of death), it is a reward thats for sure, no earthly word is able to discribe it, anyway it was hard to leave it and go back to my body, i could not help it it just happend and i woke up falling back and feeling pain, allthough it took me 2 days to realise that

But this made me think about funerals, how many ppl would have been coming, how many ppl really will know me when i die next time, when u have no colleges, maybe due to retirement and family is vading, friends are death or are no friends no more, it kept me busy for 2 years till i could put it down and try to just live and let it be, like i did before and actually this is the thing, u are alone, u live with urself, maybe sharing ur life, body and mind, still u are the one who will go from this earth the same way as u came, alone.

Never will i wake up and get out of my bed same way as i did, somehow it gets u, u are aware of the fact ur body is able to let u down, fails u, it feels like ur innoncence is gone, same way it makes u richer, u have been there,  u know its really great and feels like homecoming in the house of love, so now i try to just live with it and move on, maybe somewhat less oppertunistic, but also more aware………

I have been asking all my life as many of u will have done, how is it, to die, how does it look at the other side, or even there is nothing when u die,  not for me, i always knew there must be some higher level, energy, most call heaven, i know it now and this gives me peace, but in the same time it makes me restless as it could happen any minute, u dont live forever and somehow thats what one feels when u have not had this experience………

So being cut off from all my activeties online it felt a bit same, maybe also due to being put aside by my boss, it is like isolation, allthough i have at least 5 girlfriends and sons, a partner and family, it still made me feel very lonely and again i will not be the same anymore, if only the thief could feel this too, what he actually took, the value is priceless of that laptop and he maybe got 150 euro for it…………..

TarotImagecard has been created by me…..its symbolic for life, a fight which u begin as soon as u are born, for some more heavy then for others…..


Life as it is………………

Life…….not asked for it, even been death once and came back, never asked for that too, somehow i am depressed, humans are not really to be proud about, nature is vanishing and earth is severe ill, we did that, but also nature itself, whats the purpose of it all.

When i wake up, i dont want to get out of bed, but i dont want to go to bed either.

Most of the time i feel ok, but not really good, since december last year i feel better, my fire came back, i live more from day-to-day, its a bless. I am  fighter, i care for many things, issues, items, could not be another way and even dont want it too.So my life is heavy at times, but very ok.

I remember the first time i ever traveled something happens with me, i felt great, exited, so i am a nomad, a gypsy because whenever i travel the first thing i do is searching for a place to sleep, somewhere in the streets, under a bridge, behind a door in an empty building, anywhere, not that i need that, we have a camper and before always a sleeping place, so it is something 0ut of my last life.

I still feel the incredible feeling i had when we were asleep somewhere in Charleroi the south of Belgium, we found this place in deep dark nite, because no one would give us a hitch? more southwards, as we were on our way to Morocco, so we had to stay and sleep and try it again the next day.

We entered the empty building, walked through it and rolled out our sleeping bags, when we woke up we were next to an hole of about 4 to 4 meters and even more deep, there were more square holes in that floor and it seemed we were so lucky to have chosen the right spot, one meter to the west, north south or east and we would have fallen in the holes, it was an empty milkfactory…….but the feeling, that was wonderful, like u have been led by angels, god personally took care of us, thats how it felt, tremendous happy, i never felt that again, except for the 2 sons i gave birth.

So why feel so depressed most of the time, i cannot look away, i cannot ignore, i cannot live knowing we humans kill, torture, suppress others, animals, nature.

Its always been like that, the issue is, how is one able to live with this all, the knowing, why is one day positive and the other not, one thing i know for sure, i am glad, i am not one of those ppl who dont see it, who ignore, who look the other way…….

Soo maybe thats the turning point for me at this moment, its strange though and does not feel like a complete fulfillment, i dont have to be happy, but more content, thats all.

I know most is between ur ears, how u feel, look at things or go about, getting older is getting wiser, at least it is for me, that makes me more content, somehow maybe it will be possible, to be less down and more positif, dont u think too?

My english is not good, the words with? behind them are doubtfull, i hope u will find the meaning, so u understand it anyway.:)


skating and snow

skating and snow

Amsterdam on the canals with skates

Ice real thick 10 centimeter ice in all canals of AMSTERDAM, OFCOURSE ALL OVER HALF EUROPE, BUT HERE U ARE ABLE TO SEE PICTURES OF PL SKATING, SWAN WALKING ON ICE, BE SURE HE/SHE IS BEING FED AND ALSO SOME OF THE CANALS ARE kept open for the birds, geeze, ducks and many more. Amsterdam is filled with canals and now ppl are able to go on the ice and do their shopping, short travels via the canals, ofcourse more ppl use this ice for pleasure, skating is a national sport, like swimming everybody does it People get a kind of feaverish, when this kind of weather is coming and also we have a traditional tour on ice which is called the eleven-cities-tour, because about 120 sportsmen and about 16000 touriders, which are the amateurs go from city to city via the ice and get stamps on paper, it takes about 5 to 6 hours to end the tour and when it windy and cold many people get frozen bodyparts, most dont, as they already skated this tour before, 200 km long is the skatingtour, this tour comes along when its sure the ice is able to carry all the people and so not evry year, the last one was in 1997, in 1963, when i was a kid of 12 years, my family even drove by car oiver the innersee, about 80 to  100 km on ice, this was the year  of the horrotour according tot all, so many people froze skating and had to be helped and carried away, it was 20 to 25 degrees below zero celcius.  Uptill now it will not happen yet this year either, allthoug everyone has the feaver already and the ice needs just 4 more centimeters to realize it again…… Some even join travel-tours of 120 km all over the lakes and small waterways which is a common landscape in the Netherlands it is a flat country, so no big hills, rivers, lakes and cities, villages, lots of roads and railways, but most of it is water, however more land is still being gained from that water, but still with boat or now on the ice with skates one is able to go almost anywhere. I hope u will enjoy the pictures u see and apologies for my english and the fact the site is dutch, but the pictures will speak for themselves, most of them

Nederland-Holland-the Netherlands from above!!

Dutch tv-document on video’s seen through airplane+camera.If u click this link above, u will been taken away into the sky and have a look all over the Netherlands, landscape, but also waterworks/ways, watermanagement, how the dutch got their land from the water, how they created a connection (big dike) through the water of 12 km and with that closed an inner sea, now a kind of lake.

Canals, bridges, dikes, deltaworks, the dutch pride and knowledge about water is well-known and used all over the world, a ship goes down, like the one near the italian ile just a forthnight ago, dutch ships come pump the dangerous into other ships or canasters and then take it away from there to a safer place or harbor.

But also landmanagement has to be strong, as its a tiny country and lots of ppl live here about 16 million on a 200 by 180 km piece of land, where water still covers 20 % of that small piece.

See how all is organized and sometimes even looks dull, dutch ppl are freeminded, but also a little bit small-minded if it comes to their garden, the fence around it and so on……. it makes me smile, but if u have a neighbour who is being difficult about fence or overhanging trees, pffffft u better move………

I enjoyed every part of this video-document, together they are at least about 4 to 6 hours.

How the daily ritmes and patterns are, when we wake up, how we all use our mobile and go to work, where we go for a walk with the dogs, in certain airea and what we do or go during weekends… its strange but also interesting to see it on this scale from above during day and nite, see the little lakes, the so many waterway creating patchwork and squares where grass, earth and many other farmed vegetabels or flowers change field after field…..

Lots of what the dutch do will show up and even though its dutch spoken and written, the video’s are wonderful and funny.

I hope u enjoy them too, see the dutch being dutch, all somewhat like pirates, commercial masters of waheterver has to do with water, on the water, in water, even wind, like the seapirates use to live on, wind and water and occupying rich ships to steal all thats moveble.

They also are used to live in small houses, if u arent rich enough, packed together and yet feeling free, driving via highways all in the same time, its a small sociaty, there is hardly a 24/7 buisseness, so mostly standing waiting all together for about 1 to 2 hours, in long rows of 10  to 15 km, because they mostly go the same time to work and back again.

The dutch say what they think, nearly everybody is like that, so this is normal behavior, sometimes rude, but mostly to the point and often witty or alert with humor.

To be dutch, one has to be real, at least thats what most ppl want.