Maybe u want it too, make life as good as possible.

Life on earth

Life on earth.

More proof that money cannot buy everything u don’t need if u  consider the way money makes a lot of pollution, if money would not be that important, maybe much more environmental rules and measures would be respected ….

U need especially brains, compassion, decency, awareness, empathy  humanity, etc.

Actually most of us have these all. So why we eat earth, abuse animals, nature and also humans.

Would it be another rule, a universal rule, or is it just the way we came  to this system of power and money.

And why do many rich people give the only thing they have, money to organizations which try to save, people, animals or nature, feeling guilty, or is it a part of the system.

Africa does not have to be poor, nor do any other people of this world.

It is all in the system, but how does one enjoy money, if it makes the world die bit by bit?

Narrow-minded, looking away, shortsighted? Evil, stupid or cruel, what does it, what pulls the trigger this way we all are in a bad dance of surviving, not to survive but to make it, not  to make the difference, not just living for ourselves huh?, oh ahem, well maybe we need to be selfish to live this life this way, but for me, i think it is time to change……10373635_836513089738370_2411564980228305217_n

Will there ever be somebody who will really point it out clearly, not based on religion, race or looks……

It does not have to be one person, maybe a group, or organization, put the finger on the right dot and tell all of us, who knows a solution to open peoples eyes, make them aware of the connections of what u do and buy, or what u should have done and not buy….. animals abuse, pollution, child-workers, -soldiers, -prostitutes and all the other possibilities on this earth of abuse or misuse…….. somehow we have to do it ourselves, so tell me…………



Within you.

Heal urself. Feel and recognize it.

WHAT U believe> so ur intentions are positive about what u do, u are able of anything, thats why men go to war, women play evil, (fanaticism and extremism will have a free way), they think doing good, they believe they are harmonious with it..or even will do good, make the world, their country, religion better History proofs that many times, in kingdoms and republics, being adult u cannot look as deep as when u are a child, because they do that natural. so as adult u need to see, that what u do needs an awareness, needs u to be fully there and not to much influenced by others, rules, or any role which is put upon u in society.
U really are all fundamental spirits, u need know it all every time, but u will always have the ability to recognize, and know why u do, want or act as u do.
If u are able to be this way, u will be so more balanced and see that u just live ur own life, that all what u believe in will happen.

How does one manage and become more positive, when having to defend so much to live.

ImageWhat can i say, i get fatter by the day, i cannot coop with the way my boss tries to get rid of me, i have one son still living at home, he does not work, does not do anything to get work, has no hobbies, no interests, accept music listening and gaming.

Ofcourse this boy is in trouble, no one likes to live this way except when u are really poor and idealizes this way of living. I am his mother and cannot send him of to the streets, i cannot get trough to him, and yes i know i should, loving him is not difficult as he is very gentle and intelligent, helas that does not help him out now.

I have been fighting most of my life for different circumstances and more positive view, but one needs to have some support and i dont want to complain, but somehow i am alone, no warm hugs or arms around me, my mother died when i was 4 years and it seems that love is a unknown item for me, ofcourse i have friends and both my sons and my boyfriend love me, but somehow i feel alone,maybe i am just at th wrong side and not looking at the right things.

I fight it alone, not many ppl around to help me out, i would not even like to tell it to the ones i know, i indeed know it could be far worse, but for me, i reached my end of the rope, i have not much rope left, maybe i want to use the last end to hang myself, i know how peace-full and love-full it is, when u are on the overside, in ”heaven”, after life, i have been there.

But suicide does not help, it is not a way to go, u cannot do it, think of ur sons, ur surrounding and so on, maybe if i get more egoistic i would do it, although i dont know if i would go to the same place i have been when i was dead for 3 to 4 minutes in 2006.

So how keep it up, how to look at life, how to get more positive, no matter what happens, i know i am a pretty strong person considering all that happened in my life and how i did overcome this, oh yeah, i have been happy and more content during my life, but getting older seems to trigger as well, no elastics anymore, easier thinking negative, although i know it does not help and i always try to get out of that as soon as possible, being content with what u have, get, are and experience is the best way, but again, how do i achieve it?

Since i have been in ”heaven” i cannot get rid of the thought it was really overwhelming and it keeps on triggering me, peace and rest, no more trouble, pain, or any other human issues, actually it is not possible to describe the experience i had, because all earthly and human words seem to be to short, small, not coming to the point of the way it felt/was.

For me all people are god, together, together with earth, nature, animals and all there is in this universe. We are all one, in spirit we are, but on earth we are separated, each in her/his own body, all our earthly life we keep on searching to emerge, to come together, to be one as we will be once we left this earthly life.

Yes i went into a dark elevator, came in the immense lighting tunnel towards such clear light, but again i am not able to describe it in words.

Back to my depressed feelings, because thats the other side of my life, being torn between wanting to be dead, also due to circumstances and not able to coop with that anymore and the knowledge that whatever u do, in the end it is relevant, or it looks relevant, i know this sounds stupid and maybe even childish, but i am all out of positive spirit and therefore unable to see it different and how do i get out of this, even going on holiday, witht he camper, the most wanted, does not seem to give me the very contant feeling (happy feeling as well) it gave before.

I am a fighter for the voiceless, i wish i could help myself, i wish i could be as loving-feeling for me, as i feel for all that comes along and gets my attention and support, whatever it is, when i see a possible chance to help i do, this is normal for me, so i am not asking for applause, it makes me being able to look in the mirror and live with myself.

So is this depression or is it maybe just being negative.

It would be great if for once i would not have to worry about so much, always something comes up to get in line so the list of worries gets longer and longer and i know it does not help, but how do i get my positive view back, now i am on the bottom of it all.

Anyway, i know life is a bitch and i better try to look at it another way, to enjoy what i do, to love myself with all i do and try to be for others, knowing i do it for me, because i want to be useful and also use my abilities at the most, which is good i think…..

So, i hope my boss will read this and know he is really going over the edge in asking me to change my way of life to be able to work in the mornings as well, while i actually only worked at nite or only from noon till late in the evening, it is dangerous to change ones ritme, especially when u are a diabetic and 60 years of age…………….another worry for me, will i coop here, do i have to fight this again too, with lawyer and my own doctor who is against it as well, i work there 21 years now, before that i worked at the Milkyway, a multi-cutural centre, also from 15 till deep into the nite, so almost 35 to 40 years of late work, being a real niteperson it did never do me any harm, now i will get stressed in tryig to be out of bed the same hour i mostly go to sleep, my health is at stake due to my diabetic illness, i inject insuline and why do i have to give my health away? Because the boss has this idea everybody has to work same shifts, even when now already not everybody is doing that, it is discriminating, at least thats how it feels……….

Maybe this all sounds like no problem, but for me its the last drop in the bucket, the bucket will start to overflow………….

Life as it is………………

Life…….not asked for it, even been death once and came back, never asked for that too, somehow i am depressed, humans are not really to be proud about, nature is vanishing and earth is severe ill, we did that, but also nature itself, whats the purpose of it all.

When i wake up, i dont want to get out of bed, but i dont want to go to bed either.

Most of the time i feel ok, but not really good, since december last year i feel better, my fire came back, i live more from day-to-day, its a bless. I am  fighter, i care for many things, issues, items, could not be another way and even dont want it too.So my life is heavy at times, but very ok.

I remember the first time i ever traveled something happens with me, i felt great, exited, so i am a nomad, a gypsy because whenever i travel the first thing i do is searching for a place to sleep, somewhere in the streets, under a bridge, behind a door in an empty building, anywhere, not that i need that, we have a camper and before always a sleeping place, so it is something 0ut of my last life.

I still feel the incredible feeling i had when we were asleep somewhere in Charleroi the south of Belgium, we found this place in deep dark nite, because no one would give us a hitch? more southwards, as we were on our way to Morocco, so we had to stay and sleep and try it again the next day.

We entered the empty building, walked through it and rolled out our sleeping bags, when we woke up we were next to an hole of about 4 to 4 meters and even more deep, there were more square holes in that floor and it seemed we were so lucky to have chosen the right spot, one meter to the west, north south or east and we would have fallen in the holes, it was an empty milkfactory…….but the feeling, that was wonderful, like u have been led by angels, god personally took care of us, thats how it felt, tremendous happy, i never felt that again, except for the 2 sons i gave birth.

So why feel so depressed most of the time, i cannot look away, i cannot ignore, i cannot live knowing we humans kill, torture, suppress others, animals, nature.

Its always been like that, the issue is, how is one able to live with this all, the knowing, why is one day positive and the other not, one thing i know for sure, i am glad, i am not one of those ppl who dont see it, who ignore, who look the other way…….

Soo maybe thats the turning point for me at this moment, its strange though and does not feel like a complete fulfillment, i dont have to be happy, but more content, thats all.

I know most is between ur ears, how u feel, look at things or go about, getting older is getting wiser, at least it is for me, that makes me more content, somehow maybe it will be possible, to be less down and more positif, dont u think too?

My english is not good, the words with? behind them are doubtfull, i hope u will find the meaning, so u understand it anyway.:)

Is life a bitch, or are we the bitches on earth?

Allthough we are able to watch the telly, maybe not all of u or u dont want to see any of it, which is perfectly understandeble, its amazing what happens all around us and we dont know any of it, mind me, i see enough and mostly i am not really happy with it, but the more i know, the more i am able to act upon or do something about it, if i choose for it.

What i see and i cannot do anything about it, makes me more sad, the powerless feeling is not good for a person, but…it happens anyway.

I saw how the dutch are doing buisseness in the whole world, with or around their knowledge of water and how tho manage that.

I saw lots of accidents all over world today, with airoplanes, cars, hurricanes and so on, murder killing, powerplay, cruel and bad behavior from ppl to nature, but also nature to ppl, how dogs are captured in Vietnam and put in cages together as if they were sacks of cotton, how the bordercontrole catches the men who do that, how these animals go to a shelter and will not be eaten, by chinese ppl, to celebrate their newyear, knowing many of the dogs already are gone over that same border to be eaten, how the dutch take care for the babyseals who got lost in sea by their mothers, even zoo’s and animalhospitals are voluntering to be sure enough food and care will be given, makes one feel good, but not all in the netherlands is good helas, our goverment is going crazy and made nummerous laws to get more money and to reduce, education, culture, healthcare and so on……

How does one (i) manage?

Well some days i do and other days its impossible to really enjoy or even feel content, also personal problems add to this offcourse.

I know that if u dont worry its halfway feeling content, but mostly i am not able to do that, 60 years and actually tired of it all, but also eager to go on and mostly uncomfertable with living, yet,  if i would close my eyes, maybe i wouldnt even think these thaughts, but i wont and cannot close my eyes, like i said before above, i want to know, so i will be able to do something of the many things ppl can do.

How is it that the way u are able to look at life, earth, nature, ppl and so on is either optimistic or pessitmistic, or at least downway…….

Why can’t i close and open (my eyes) when i want too, or at least be optimistic most of the time, because then i would be a robot, no feelings, no experience to learn from, no thaughts, no life.

So the conclusion for me at this moment, nice/good if i am able to look over the horizon and see the sun, but realistic and sometimes sad when i see clouds, getting darker and rain coming my way…….. that is how it is.. life is an learningproces, older and wiser maybe, most important is, keep ur candle burning, so u will be able to warm ur heart now and then, for urself, u derserve that and need it, this way u are able to continue, to go for it, to be on ur way, make it happen, to heal a bit, to cure, to save, to be the hero for one day, to feel compassion and so a way to live with urself and this awfull, yet beautifull world/earth.

Path from out the car taken (picture)

Each has his/her own path in life.Picture taken by me from our camper in the Netherlands